In a relationship between a child and a parent, the child may prefer, one parent over the other. At the beginning and throughout the short story, Ashes shows how much she loves her father. She says "That winter, it felt like every time I saw my father, the sun cast off a little more warmth than it had the day before." This piece of textual evidence shows how exuberant her father makes Ashes feel, and shows how much love she has for her father. This makes the reader understand that although Ashes doesn’t live with her father, that she is able to maintain a close and loving relationship with him. Although Ashes would like to depend upon her father, he is not always trying to provide for Ashes, and is not everything she needs in a parent. "Dad used to promise me the stars for a necklace, but like most of his promises, that one never quite happened… Dad gets by on a grin and willingness to help… The world might be a better place, but child support checks don’t always show up on time, and I never did get that necklace made of stars.” This helps the reader see that although Ashes loves her father very much, she also recognizes that he can be what her mother calls an “irresponsible bum.” It also helps the reader to see that Ashes wants to believe that her father is going to come through, but doesn’t have have much faith in him. This is an example of how, what you want in a parent might not always be what you need.
On the other side, the relationship with a parent, may not always be what you want. Ashes’s mother provides her with the support she needs, but Ashes prefers her father who lathers her with feel-good compliments. "She's (Ashes's mom) the most practical person I know always putting aside for a rainy day... The flashlight with working batteries for a blackout. The extra quarters for laundry that isn't quite dry." This shows how practical her mother is. She is always prepared and ready for the unexpected. It also helps the reader to see that Ashes may take her mother’s practical guidance for granted, causing to prefer her more seemingly enticing father. It becomes even clearer to the reader that Ashes prefers her dad when she says "Mom might never be caught without batteries or tissues, but she just called me Ashleigh- a name she didn't even like- and never promised me anything." This shows, that although Ashes recognizes her mother's preparedness, she is oblivious to how it helps her, causing her to favor her father. This is a clear example of how what may seem more exciting and promising, may not be the best choice for yourself.
Although Ashes seems to lean toward her seemingly more exciting father, she grows throughout the story to realize that what you want is not always what you need. It may be hard to distinguish what we want from what we need ultimately we are going to have to make a decision, and that will affect who we are. Towards the end of the story, Ashes’s dad asks her to "borrow" 200 dollars from her mother’s teapot of money for a rainy day. Ashes is put in a position of vulnerability, where she must decide between her father's lack of stability, and her mothers pragmatic attitude. She has many difficulties deciding which side she will take, and although we are not told which side she does go to, it seems to suggest it will be her mothers side. At the very end of the story while making this decision Ashes says "It always felt a little colder when mom wasn't there. Even with the lights turned on, it seemed a little darker." This shows growth in Ashes, and having new feelings that she didn’t have at the beginning of the story. As she discovers these new feelings, she is able to recognize that what she needs will ultimately lead to the best outcome, and this brings her a different form of warmth and comfort. It also shows that Ashes can fully appreciate the love her mother gives her, even though that love is shown in a different way from her father’s love. In addition we can see how Ashes leans towards her mom, as she gets closer to her final decision. "I stood over the teapot and stared at the money. Mom's emergency money. Her earthquake money. Her Martian money." This shows that Ashes appreciation for her mom continues to grow, and she becomes hesitant of stealing for her father. Ashes realizes that although her mother’s preparedness may seem petty, and even irrational, it is an indication of how much she cares. These pieces of evidence seem to amount to the ultimate decision of Ashes choosing what she needs. Although it may not always be what you want, overtime figuring out what you need will change things for the better. We come to understand not only how difficult the decision is, but how it will ultimately effect you. The things we want are not always what we need, this is something everyone feels, even in the simplest forms. An example that comes to mind is in friendships. A friend that is super, fun, and who it seems you have a ‘perfect’ relationship with may be what you want, but a friend who you can openly communicate with, and has seen your weaknesses, may be better. This is an example of what Ashes has to face, just on a different scale. The idea that what we want isn't always what we need, is a hard idea for many people, and a major focus of the short story "Ashes". I think this text not only speaks to the difficulties of coming from a split home, but really talks about the internal battle that comes from figuring out what is best for us. Susan Beth Pfeffer's short story "Ashes" is about the difficulties of coming from divorced parents, and the havoc within us between what we want and what we need.
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